I'm Not Dead Yet

[har]

Ya know...

things have really changed for me in the past year. I don't cry whenever I loose something now, because I'm so used to loosing things over and over and over and over, etc. I used to be excited over a new member. But, I'm not excited anymore. Because I know they'll just leave. Like everyone else does.

This place, no matter how great it can be at times, killed my joy. It made me a pessimist. Yeah, it made me a stronger, better person. But, it made me scared to open up. Afraid to voice my opinions. Afraid to get close to anyone.

Don't get me wrong, I love every single one of you so much... But, there's a time in everyone's life when they have to go a new direction.

And don't cry for me, I'm not dead yet. My characters' deaths will be as I planned before. Please carry on like you normally would without me.

Always remember that I love you guys. It's just time for me to go. If this story ever gets made into a movie, e-mail me. I'd like to be mentioned in the credits or something.

BBFN,
Blair, Har, Muddy, Mudcakes, Yozza, Mudfang, or whatever you want to call me.

If you want to contact me, here is pretty much every single contact I have:
vampriders.proboards81.com/index.cgi (which I hope becomes successful)
pinewoodstable.proboards103.com/index.cgi (love them =P you should join)
[e-mail] (which I check frequently)
[e-mail] (which I never check)

or you could come and get me down here in North Cakalaky, but I live in a cave, so you probably won't find me anywhere. I do not suggest this, because my grandpa will not be afraid to get out his rifle. (he has before =P)

One more of my famous lyric thingies, that I think describes this situation wonderfully:

Dear Bradentown,
You have been good to me.
You've kept your word,
And got me through these years.

All I ask is that you'll be there
When I return...
From meadows out to Lakewood Field.
This is our town.
This is who we're meant to be.
This is our town.
Where our roots have grown so deep.
This is our town.
This is where we're meant to be.
This is our town.
We'll keep coming back because...

Dear Bradentown,
As the city sleeps the night,
You found us hiding out under parking garage lights.
And you know...
You know you'll find us here
When we return...

This is our town.
This is our town.
This is our town.
What are we running from?
This is our town.
What are we running from?
This is our town.

Dear Bradentown,
As I gently close my eyes,
I hear you whisper softly as we continue our goodbyes.
And all I ask is that you'll be there
When I return...

[Sivoncé™]

Oh, we wrecked you, did we?

Selfish. That is all I have to say.


Did you fucking think for a second about Wolfie, who isn't even here right now? Did you think about Nightlight who, while I was in hysterics, fought to pretend he hadn't seen what you wrote just to hold us together?

You're damn right I won't cry. NOT A SINGLE TEAR.
Never. Because I've already cried it out, I did it months ago.

If you dare come back here you won't get so much as this from me:

I hate you.

I really, really, really , really hate you.

Uptight? You wanna know why?
Because every time I saw your username, these were my thoughts:
"Is she gonna do ti again today? Do I need to be the strong one again today?"
I am glad this is over. I am glad I don't have to tip toe around you and do my best to show you that it's still the same place it always was, do my best to do anything at all to make you smile.
You're exactly like Josh.
Mind you it was a slightly different circumstance, I did EVERYTHING to get him to stay. It was out of the blue, everything was perfect, then BAM.

Just like you.
One person can't ruin me or my life because I have the best friends anyone could wish for here. I was ALWAYS happy for you I was ALWAYS there in the best way I knew how. And I really didn't ask for much.

Sheera didn't ask for much. Wolfie never asked for much. Des never asked for much. Howl, Carolina, never asked for much. Azari, Nightlight, Caspian, Njack, Tuxie NOBODY asked you for much at all.

I am glad this is over because then I can be happy here. Then I don't have to worry that I'll have to beg someone to stay. I don't need you to stay. Because it is the people who stick with you through everything, the people who never give up on you, who are worth it.
You never got that.
It was always the new members who mattered, not the ones who stuck with you.
And you, Harley, whatever your name is, are not worth a thing to me.

[Destiny]

I have nothing to say to you.
I'm furious beyond anything I've felt in a very long time.
I'm hurt almost as much.
But I won't cry.
I cried all my tears for you the first time.
They've dried.
So I won't cry.

Don't come back again.
I'm sick of you leaving like this.
I'm sick of seeing Sivvy hurt.
I'm sick of knowing that you might come back.
I'm sick of trying, sick of watching others try.
I'm sick and tired of all this shit
So don't you dare come back

I always thought you'd be one of those members
One of the ones who stuck around forever
One of the ones who could be counted on
Guess I was wrong
But I should have figured that out a long time ago.
I won't say I hate you
I don't hate
But right now, I dislike you more then anyone.

I sound cruel
Call me whatever you want
I don't fucking care
But don't you dare come back here and hurt my friends again
Not like you have
Don't you dare.

-Destiny

[silverpelt12]

Dear MYB,

You know you have hurt so many on the site, you can't possibly blame any of us for this, you being a pessimist, anything that is wrong with you isn't our fault. I too thought since you , Wolfie, and Sivv were such great 'friends' you would stay a while. I watched as you three became so inseperable that you were on every site you were on together and joking around, but you made it hard for ANYBODY here to be happy and state their opinions. Don't you dare blame any of us for your issues. I'm going to say one of the coldest things I've ever said I think, but you need to never come back here again, for all you did was bring pain with you.

[Sheera]

I didn't say goodbye yet... but I guess there reallu isn't a point since she won't read it, but here it is::

I'll miss you so very much, but I hate that you left. I wish I hadn't cried all those times that you threatened to leave, and I wish I wasn't crying now. You've been a great friend except those tiny moments in which you threatened to leave, and put everyone in histerics. I hope you come back, and if you do... **glances at hostile faces of the member** come with a suit of armor.
***puts super spy outfit on**
**spy music**
**sneaks into grocery store**
**is in dairy section**
**Grabs carton of milk, and takes out a sticker from her bag**
**Covers the word 'milk' with the word 'pus'**
**does it to all of them**
**spy music**

Goodbye Muddy, I'll email you.