Post by Sivoncé™ on Jul 19, 2008 18:55:07 GMT -5
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"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice, just know that, I'm lookin' down on you smilin'..."
_s.i.v.e.r.i.a._
This was not paradise. Not even for the single wolf who resided here, in the depths of the most dense and tangled of forests. It might have been, once. Before she'd arrived. Now, not even prey darted through the trees, not even the wind stirred the ice-ridden branches, not even a heart beat in this forest.
When the silver-blue majesty had made her appearence in these woods, the transformation had been immediate. The locals deserted their stands and ran far from the place, as far from her as possible. Anything to get away from the Queen of Sorrow. Anything. Anything at all. They didn't even dare to look back as this little piece of heaven turned into a silent hell.
Most of the trees around her were now downed, as she'd made a large clearing for herself. She was miles, maybe even a league or two away from true realm of Eternal Twilight. Sure, she was still in it. But they were not with her here. Here, she didn't have to work so hard to get what was required. She didn't have to hide from Death and Flame in Hellfire just to receive her due torments. She didn't have to deal with the witless, idiotic Destiny, or that prying, sightless Night, or the dumbfounded, ignorant Sheera. Nor would she have to speak with the uncomprehending Lupus or Rhain or anyone. She would finally be locked away in the icebox that she was crafted to be a part of. Perhaps, in winter, she would return. Then, no one would approach her. No one would know her anymore, and they would flee from her wrath before the winds could lacerate their skin completely.
The trees bore many scratchmarks and open wounds if they were still standing, evidence of the unleashing of the beast. She sat, still as a statue, letting the snow fall over her furious inventions. Blood, which had pooled but was now frozen over like crimson ponds, had been slit from her own lifeless bodice, and she was still drenched nose to tail with it. It coated her features thickly, mingling with her blue-silver, long pelt, giving off the appearence of indigo or even violet.
As the snow continued in thick, fluffy flakes, she slowly closed her tortured eyes. They don't understand, she thought miserably. It's not just my losing Arroyo, my children, my grandchildren, my pack.....though that grief nearly drove me into insanity before my curse began to play out. A curious thing, nightshade.... Her eyes flickered open, resting on the one thing that was alive and flourishing in her prescence. The violet petals bent away from the central point of the blossom, soft yellow ones erupting in their place.
It had saved the packs, perhaps. She barely had been able to swallow it down. There was no way things would be they way they were now if Verlust had killed her. Maybe she wouldn't be losing her own self.
Her own self....
It was pure poison, and nothing more to Siveria now. She'd never understood truely why Sky had shared those words with her mother, and then when Ragnarok shared the words again with Siv herself. Not until now.
It was the deepest, darkest treachery. It exchanged your soul for the freedoms you so desperately wanted. Siveria Nightshade had wanted nothing more than to be with the wolves she loved, to seperate Siveria from Silentnight. She had been unable to. Verlust had murdered two wolves in the same body with the nightshade, and as a result Siveria Nightshade had the seperation she had always longed for. She was no longer Siveria or Silentnight. She clung on longer than Siv had been able to. She'd held onto her self. But she was not the wolf either Destry or Cinnabar loved. Not anymore. With her freedoms, she was given a new identity. Which may have been what she wanted. But for the rest of her existence in this paradise, Siveria Nightshade would be dependent on swallowing the twisted, cunning flowers...or face fading into eternal agony.
Siv knew it pained her mother that she did not know where her old emotions had gone. She would still love Cinnabar and Destry, in her own way, only able to watch from behind a blurred glass. But it would be more and more distant with every moment she was there. And now, Siv was certain, for Siveria Nightshade, all she wanted was to want them again.
She did not feel guilty for her internal carnage. She knew if she'd understood the effects nightshade poisoning held on the mind, she would never have taken it. Knowing now what she knew, she would have let her brothers and sisters die if only it meant loving her children, loving Arroyo, loving all of them forever in eternity. Selfish, maybe. But it was the truth. She wouldn't have done it.
She sunk into the snow, letting it cover her and not feeling the intense cold. She let one, frozen tear melt and fade into her fur.
If I knew this, I would not have challenged Verlust at all. I would have stood with my pack for one last time and died with honor like a leader should. I would not shy away to the easy outs of suicide. That does not get you to heaven....
You were wrong, Yozora. I did not make it to paradise.[/blockquote]
