Style Practice

[MooniiKinz]

((First style- Description))

The fog hung above, like the devil's breath, as it hung in the air, threatening to suffocate anyone in it's path. She coughed, the scratchy sin rattling her lounges, and shaking her frail frame in the darkness. Her bones creaked and cracked, as she fell to the ground, drenched coat outlining her pitiful state. It was gone, it was all gone. The once green grass had vanished, leaving dust. The cherry blossoms had rattled and fell to their deaths, leaving silence where there was melody's. A simple breath shook the earth below her, as blue eyes looked over what was once her home, now, a barren wasteland in the devil's grip.

[Sivoncé™]

((I think it is a good, dramatic entrance You really get a feel for the desolation of the scene. Something to keep in mind is that while it's good to such detailed description here and there (like what you have written here is good) definitely don't go overboard in roleplaying, or the description will consume the actual roleplaying part and people won't understand what you char is actually doing. I think what you have here is good Don't be afraid to explore new metaphors or ways of looking at things -- the descriptions you invent yourself, if they're not far-fetched, are sometimes more intruging than the "classic" metaphors for things, if that makes sense. Besides an entrance, a style like this is really good for zooming in on a specific aspect of a moment. For example, this post you just made makes me think of something that might be posted when the battle we have going comes to a close; someone could be observing the damage and how such a terrible thing happened in a once beautiful world. It adds a nice dose of drama if you can balance it with other parts of roleplay Good job!)

((I'll try and do something similar to what you're doing and add my own twist. Gonna use an old character for the sake of practice.))

The earth was cold under the dark shoulder of the new moon. Not just in the bitter breath of winter that whispered through the trees, or in the faint flakes of snow that ghosted down from the heavens, but in the very core of its being, the earth was cold. Elderly gray eyes took in the desolation with dismay. Something unfathomably horrifying had manifested here, in this space she had once known and loved as the epitomy of springtime. Something wicked, this way comes... Miserably, Willow lifted a lamenting howl, praying the stars would hear her through the smokescreen that blocked them from her view. The frail bones of the aged she-wolf crumpled and she sobbed over the dead body of the place she once lived.

[MooniiKinz]

(I'll keep that in mind, it seems hard for me not to do that at times xD)

*Since the first post was of a pretty much dead character xD*

Take the sorrow and make it mine. Take the pain and leave it on me. Take this heartbreak, and give it here. The grass cool and welcoming underpaw, the warm but gentle breeze ruffling her smooth coat, and her blue eyes concealed from the sun. It had been all but a dream, as what she once knew faded, as her optics greeted reality. Roots of fallen tree's stood in front of her, underpaw was not grass, but the charred remains of cherry blossom leaves, as black ash took away the vibrant pink. Turn this fate around, give it to me. I'll do anything, as you know I won't give in. Her grey paws shuffled in the ash, mixed with tainted snow. "No no NO!" That's when Sierra let herself go, letting her haunches fall, hitting the ground with a slight impact as ash and snow flew up around her, taking refuge in her pale grey pelt.

[Sivoncé™]

( Good -- I like how you're incorporating more of her actions and it's becoming more clear who we're talking about hear. Try for some more explanation of what's going on in the next post? I like where this is going. Like I said, I could see something very similar happening after the big battle we have going on. I love, love, love the imagery of the pink cherry blossoms and the ash -- that image really sticks nice and gives the whole 'destruction of innoccence' idea. )

I don't understand it. I don't understand this world!
The old wolf looked up slowly, blinking hot tears from her eyes. Just ahead of her, another wolf was emprisoned in a similar sorrow. White-faced though she'd been for well over a year, Willow had never felt quite so old as she did now. She was a wily elder, never really giving up on her youth; now, she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders, as well as the oppressive omen of a fast-approaching death. Giving herself a rough shake, the Destinian forced her aching bones into a stand, and she tread slowly towards the other figure. Gently, she nosed the she-wolf, who, for lack of knowledge, poor memory, or bad vision, the elder did not recognize. Her voice cracked as she beckoned to her. "Hello?"

[MooniiKinz]

(Sometimes I find it hard to write the actions like I imagine them in my head, but I'll give it a try.)

Sierra only sat there, front paws splayed to the side of her shoulders, head hung low, and one back leg suspended slightly in the air as the joint locked and rested on the ground. Her eyes held a million sorrows, and the loss of her pride took away the usual glint of those pretty optics. A wet and warm substance touched her shoulder, and the pale grey femme turned to see who it was. Was there really more souls that wandered the destruction? As her head looked at the other wolf, a single tear streamed down her cheek, as her blue eyes looked greyscale in the pale light. It hurt her to try and speak, not from sickness but from her own mentality, which trapped her behind a curtain of solid black. She could not remember, not that she wanted to. Theres that little hope of light in every darkness. Somehow, she knew what had happened here, but the candle was dimming.

[Sivoncé™]

( *nods*, I know what you mean, I've struggled with that before, too. I think one of the best ways to deal with that is by trying to put the action into the simplest terms. Actions can speak for themselves in a lot of instances, so not a lot of extra articulation is needed to get the point across, just a few modifiers to explain how the action should be contrived, in what manner it was done, etc. )

The wisened wolf watched in despair as the other couldn't muster and answer to her call. Dejected, Willow walked away from the miserable she-wolf with a furrowed brow. Was this the beginning of the end? Was this her mind finally unhinging? It seemed the rest of the world already had, so why not her, too? The cherry blossoms had been ripped from the trees, the grass ripped from the ground, the warmth ripped from the earth; Willow trembled as she found her mind ripping from its roots. This is it, isn't it? I'm finally falling from my rocker, diving into the deep end.

[MooniiKinz]

((Yeah, I only find it hard to get in between too simple and too complicated, if I go too simple I find myself going "She did this. She did that. She did this again." And if I get myself overboard, I just cluster a bunch of words together.))

Blue optics followed her movements as the other femme walked away, leaving Sierra alone in the midnight black. Her thoughts no longer worked with her brain, as she found herself on her paws and trotting after Willow with a limp to her step. Find the light and follow, find the glint and let it lead. Broken steps turned into an off lope, as she caught up to the other wolf in front of her. Deliver me away from here, to find something anew.

((After your post I'll switch to a different style, cause I'm feeling good about this one at the moment )

[Sivoncé™]

(( Hmm. If you find yourself doing one or the other, too complicated or too blah, I would suggest going back over what you've written and either uncomplicating or complicating a few sentences to give it balance & Sounds good, I think you have it pretty down pat as well. ))

A curious shiver moved up her spine as Willow felt paws treading after hers. She stopped to look back over her shoulder, features heavy with sadness as she met Sierra's gaze. She couldn't think of any words to share with the other she-wolf, who appeared just as stranded as she. A curt nod and a raised brow was all the notice she gave her. The rest was up to Sierra to share or keep withheld.

[MooniiKinz]

((Second style- *Well I don't know what you can call it*))

What would it take for things to be quiet?
Quiet, like the snow.
That we meant to be emptyhanded
I know I could I could be better.

Devastation, it brought that feeling of heartbreak, feeling like its your fault, feeling like you could have done something different. To prevent all of this, bloodshed, tears, the closing of a neverending story. Her paws were stone, as they stopped her in the ashen tracks, finding what was really below her. Sierra's paws stopped in a small ditch, her paws in the middle of bloody paw prints in the mud. Her optics vanished from the air, as she fell to her knee's.
"ALEX!" She didn't remember screaming so loud, never in her life.
"ALEXANDER!" Her voice caught in her throat, as the flames licked at her pelt.

It had been a pretty hectic day, Cedar had challenged her father for his alpha position, and Smudge had failed. Citka, the mother of her and Alex had ran off to chase Cedar away, leaving Smudge to fall to his fate in the river.

Citka had not come back, neither did Cedar, so Alex and Sierra were alone in the camp.

She heard Alex's call before she was toppled out of the bushes by him, rolling over a few times before coming to a sit still. Laughing uncontrollably, Sierra turned to her brother, smiling slightly.
"You win, now stay here while I go get your prize." Without waiting for his response, the pale grey femme dashed out of the clearing, as the sun said it's goodnights.

From her knees to her stomach, and finally to her side in the ash, Sierra let her tears stain the snow mixture. Her hind legs she couldn't feel, just like it had been that night. Something had gone wrong, a simple mistake of a human being put the forest in flames, and her brother, trapped in the den, had burned alive.
"Alex..." At her whisper, the snow and ash blew away from her nose, allowing her to breath more normally.

((Lyrics- Louder than Thunder by The Devil Wears Prada
Flashback- An email planned out rp with a friend))