Blue Moons {Aliya/Sirius}

[Ärï]

The Realm of Eternal Twilight. That had been Sirius's dwelling place for several moons if you counted by a mortal calendar. Of course in the realms of the dead, so far Sirius had found little way of actually telling time passed. Days melted into nights, peaceful except for the tension among those keeping close eyes on the packs below and the uprising of Hellfire spirits. Of course this did bother Sirius but he had faith in his old pack, in Destiny's pack. She had built them up strong and Sirius was firm in his belief that Firelight would lead them true and strong through the terrors of the battles they faced. He did not watch his pack nor did he speak with the healers when they dreamed. His faith in his pack made him certain they would not need his guidance to help them.

Shame had rained upon Sirius for many moons since coming to the realms of the dead, even now as he walked in a moonlight-washed open meadow he felt it clinging to his shadow. He had fallen to Black Fury's gang of bloodthirsty monsters. Twelve lives lost. A shiver rolled down Sirius's spine. Mortal memories fading, he still remembered the pain of dying twelve times over, revived only to feel pain sear through him and blackness claim him again. It felt like the sensation was implanted in his very bones.

Even now as steel grey eyes gazed around at the vast meadow of gently swaying grasses washed white in the moonlight, he remembered that fateful ambush that had spelled his doom. He had let so many wolves down, his mate, his sons and daughters, his pack, Destiny.... All those wolves that had put their faith in him to lead them with wisdom and strength. He felt particular shame when he thought of what his death had cost Aliya. He dared not seek out Destiny. He didn't deserve forgiveness or her sympathy. He had been weak and his pack had suffered. No. Destinians didn't need word from their shortest-lived alpha.

With a heavy sigh, Sirius let his confident, calm facade slip away and shatter. Sitting upon a slight rise in the meadow with the moonlight making his black fur tint blue, Sirius stared up at the lonely moon suddenly feeling like the only wolf for miles and miles. His heart was weighed down with sadness and his soul held down by shame. He had looked confident to Firelight but he felt as though he had given her a bad life, one that would not protect her when the time came.

[Destiny]

The softest of breezes seemed to sweep over the odd looking plain. The little, yet long, lush vert colored stalks waved a little to the left, sometimes to the right. Almost as if in some sort of dance, a secret language perhaps. But of course, grass could not speak. It was not a creature of words. More of movement and such, perhaps, but definitely not words. They were all so different, each its own perplexing design of little green colored strands woven together to create the final product. So different, yet so alike. Just like the species that is wolf. A soft sound, so perfectly melodic, like his voice, only not nearly the perfection of the melody that his had always been. It was simply the odd breeze winding its way through the nearby branches of those trees which seemed to reach on to forever. With their lush, leaf covered branches they allowed for a soft whistling like tune to be played out, and it did linger nicely in the surrounding area.

The creature was simply lying there. All four limbs sprawled across the soft, sweet scented grass. Tail draped over it as well, it would seem. Not so much as the flick of an aud, not the twitch of coal colored nose, or shift of body during the motion that was breathing. Completely, utterly still. Silent. Always silent. The scents, the scents of life, they lingered in her mind, but were not there. There was nothing but this oddness. Nothing but what was around that did not truly exist. At least, not in the way that it once had. Nothing as was she knew it. Nothing was remembered as it had always been. The grass, the wind, the world around her. It was all so different. A different smell, different texture, different look to it. The aura was not the same. It was so odd.. so strange.. so utterly ethereal. That was it. This was all so ethereal. But could it truly be that her act had taken all five lives? All five lives that she had left? Lives that could have been used to serve her pack, her few living family members. To help those who truly needed it, to rebuild.

But she simply lay there. So completely and totally dead, as she had for the past four days. This is where she had landed, here in the middle of this place which she had not seen, unless you count the few stalks of grass before her eyes, and that she dreaded looking at. Because, though she had wanted to die, she had not wanted this. Not this afterlife, where for the past four days or so, at least that's how long she thought it might have been, there was nothing but the ethereal breeze, no sound but the odd whistling that seemed more like screaming to those tortured auds sometimes. The alphess, quite simply, did not have the will to do anything but lye there for eternity.

[Ärï]

The time Sirius had spent in the Realm of Eternal Twilight had been strange at first but one learned fast. His mortal memories already seemed to be fading as Sirius gazed over the lush meadow with expressionless steel eyes. The nights were perfect, never cold; the days were lovely, always just right; no rain fell, no harsh winds blew, no fires raged. None of the torturous things Sirius had grown to know existed here. This place was a place of rest and stillness except for soft breezes that combed through his thick black pelt. It was perfect, unreal, surreal. The first moon had been hard. Sirius, like every soul, was used to the struggle to survive. Here there was no struggle, no fight, no pain.

Well, scratch that. There was plenty of pain but not physical pain. This pain was different and if anything, worse. Sirius felt the emotional pain that clung to his soul even after his death. Shame, guilt and sadness swirled around him in a dark cloud lurking in his shadow and reaching out to enclose him like some invisible cloak. In the day he walked with dignity, purpose and pride, head held high like he had as alpha of the Destinians. Now however, when night came once more, Sirius gave it up. His mask cracked and shattered, dignity and pride swept away from him with the breeze and his purpose melted away like winter snows in the heat of summer. Sirius was used to the routine by now.

A presence tickled the back of his mind drawing Sirius away from his silent mournings and observation of the silent moon that never gave him answers. Used to the comings and goings of new spirits and old, Sirius reached out with his mind in search of the newcomer. It was a very new spirit, days old perhaps. Opening his steel eyes, Sirius sighed softly. He would have to tend to the newcomer. It was what they all did. They waited for the newcomers and explained things, helped them through the shock and sorrow and even sometimes rage. Some souls would slip away in their rage at dying and fall into Hellfire's gates. Sirius couldn't let that happen.

Rising to his paws and pulling himself together the former alpha made his move. His stride gained purpose, head held high in pride and dignity slowly lit in his eyes. It was amazing how one could learn to spin a perfect mask. Look hard and you'd see it was just an empty mask, a feeble shield. Still, Sirius walked toward the source of his little gut-feeling. Pushing aside stalks of grass, Sirius came to the edge of the clearing and saw someone that made his eyes widen and his stomach flip.

"Aliya?"

[Destiny]

As far as the creature was concerned, nothing in the world, or any other, could have brought her back to anything close to life. Of course, by life, she meant existence. It seemed that fae had decided to lay here forever, pretend that she did not exist, that this place was nothing. Non-existent. That there was no after-life, she was simply caught forever in this place that did not exist. Odd way to think, perhaps. Of course, she'd never been a normal creature. Always so different, in a way. Or, maybe, she had been normal. Completely, utterly, boringly normal. Nothing special about her. Nothing different, peculiar, strange. Nothing that made her who she was. Then again, maybe it had been some mix in between. Who cared? Right? Not her, not the creature who refused to do anything but lye on the grass forever.

The memory was so real. So there. In her face. The memories, perhaps. The night when Sirius had first come to the Destinians, or perhaps that was the night she'd first met him, back when they'd still been Grey Mist. Back in the old pack lands, where her parents had died. How handsome he had looked. How bold and strong. And Destiny, on her rock, gazing down at him so calmly. As if she saw a bright future for this wolf, this wolf whom she said resembled her brother so well. The brother she missed so dearly. And she had stood there, so young, in the shadows, and wathced them. The look in Destiny's eyes she hadn't liked, yet she had. Perhaps it was because it revealed what Destiny was planning for this wolf, even before he was apart of her pack. Perhaps Aliya thought there was something more to it. Maybe there had been. But he had looked so handsome then.

Just like he did now. Now as he stood there, so far away, and she did not really know that it was him. He was back, yet he wasn't. Existing, yet couldn't truly because she didn't exist anymore. This must be a memory. Must be... Which was perhaps why she did not move or call out to give her mate any response. So non-existent, she felt. So gone.

[Ärï]

Sirius had seen this reaction in newly dead wolves only once before. It had been a former slave, thinking she deserved no afterlife, that nothing existed for her, no one cared. Sirius's steel-grey gaze softened as he looked upon his unfortunate mate. Why Aliya would feel such things was beyond Sirius's understanding but he wanted to help her. The first time he'd met her she had been lively, graceful and one of the most beautiful wolves he had ever met. To the day he had died he remembered her that way. That had been his last thought as his last life had seeped away, trapping him forever in the realm of the dead. Aliya limp and unresponsive before him, that was simply not something he would allow. It wasn't Aliya but his true mate was there somewhere.

Moving slowly Sirius approached her and laid down in front of her, seeing her eyes glazed and empty. Everything about her was hollow. Unlike other fallen wolves her pelt didn't shine with starlight, her eyes didn't burn with eternal health and she looked faded and almost transparent. Though dead wolves were simply spirits, they looked solid to one another. Compared to Aliya Sirius was like a brick wall, solid, real and warm, his fur sleek and muscles strong, eyes gleaming and his pelt colored with moonlight.

With a soft affectionate whine, Sirius laid his head on his paws so he and his mate were almost nose to nose. Leaning forward the big brute nuzzled her cheek, breathing in the scent he remember so well.

"Come on love, wake up" Sirius murmured softly, despite her appearing awake he knew she mentally wasn't there. "I've got a whole new world to show you but you have to wake up Aliya."

[Destiny]

Those eyes that didn't think they were really seeing it watched as the handsome wolf made his way towards her. As he was next to her, nuzzling her cheek. So real. Oh so real. But this must be a memory, or a daydream, or something along those lines. Why should it be anything but? She was simply an alphess that had not done nearly enough for her pack, had not been there, had never been there. Ever since Sirius' death she hadn't been there. Not in the real world. Only her body moved about. Heart pumped blood, but was otherwise dead. Soul locked away, ripped and shredded into a million little pieces and trapped for eternity in the back of her mind it seemed. Spirit decimated. Destroyed. Non-existent. Aliya had tried to live for her pups, her pack. But with Vetra not even wanting to be apart of the Destinians, Silas always so cold and emotionless, and Sothis with his mate and children if not hunting, no longer with a need for her, she'd had nothing. The other pups, Skysong, Mocha, Eve.. they were all gone, if not dead, then dissapeared somewhere. Those from her second litter.. she'd seen only Silas and Vetra on something close to a regular basis, and even those two eyes had rarely lain upon. In her pack it had been only Svel and Fireflight whom she'd had great trust in, them and Toss. Svel would have been her new beta, but the she-wolf had still been with her pups at the time. There had been nothing left to live for.

So she had decided not to live anymore. She'd left, run off into the night. Ran and ran until she was so far from her territory, her packs, that they'd never be able to follow her. Traipsed across the Mountains Of Endless Winter, heading home. Heading back to what had been home, even though she knew she'd never make it. And she hadn't. The blood trail she'd followed had lead to a ripped up black, large, fae. Whatever had killed it was near, because she was freshly dead. Then it was that Aliya knew she couldn't escape. Something that could kill a female wolf this size, would take her down within a second. And he did. Though she did not see him well, she knew it had been a huge white brute who did the final deed. Who ripped all five of the remaining from her at once. All she remembered after that was the seering agony, then nothingness. Blackness. Eternal blackness.

Oh but that voice. How real it seemed. And how she wanted to reach out to it, ask it to stay a little longer. Not to fade like all the other memories one. She'd be content to lye here forever if she could just keep that voice. That image of him. That delicious scent that she remembered so well. The feeling when he touched her at all. If she could hold onto those things for eternity, she'd be find. He was all she needed. Perhaps her want for more, perhaps her want to be able to remember this forever, caused the slight hint of movement as she looked more directly at him. The slightest bit, but just enough that it might be noticeable. A whole new world? Wake up? But if she didn't exist how could she.

[Ärï]

Perhaps it was a good thing they had forever. Sirius needed time and now they had all the time in the world. He smiled as Aliya moved. True the movement was very little, merely angling her head perhaps to look at him better but still, it was movement and that was enough to make his spirits lift. That meant she was still there, somewhere, just a little lost. Sirius pressed his muzzle against hers. "That's right love" he murmured encouragingly, rasping his tongue lovingly over her muzzle. "I seem to be forgetful in this world" Sirius barked, voice like it once had been, deep and calm hinted with humor. "Do you remember what my name is Aliya? I can't seem to recall..."

He wanted to get her to speak, say his name, say her name, anything. Sirius had been watching from a distance as the pack struggled after his death. True he wouldn't speak to them in their dreams but that didn't mean he had turned a blind eye to his beloved pack. He believed in their strength but he wouldn't totally abandon them. The day he did was when he deserved to be thrown into Hellfire. He had watched Aliya closely, horribly saddened by her fall after his death. After a while, it had become too much to watch. He had turned away, glimpsing the pack occasionally but ignoring the fact Aliya wasn't among them. He had refused to accept that she might be dead, refused to accept that she had fallen so far. Now the proof was right in front of him, eating away at him like a primitive parasite.

Sirius kept his gaze on Aliya's. Occasionally he saw flickers of what seemed to be recognition, or at least he hoped that was what it was. The Realm of Eternal Twilight was a place Sirius had come to know as well as the packlands he had roamed in. He wanted to share this place with Aliya but first she'd have to pull herself together.

[Destiny]

The screeching battle cry's of many wolves. The red-washed camp, littered with fur and bodies and painted with the blood of so many wolves. The snarls, the screams, the waves of fury and hatred that rolled off of some of them. How long ago it had been. That night when Sothis, Skysong, Mocha and Eve had come into the world. Skysong and Sothis had seemed so different, right from the moment of their birth. And they'd always been that way. But that wasn't what her attention was focused on, they weren't the main points of this memory. It was the brute, as he entered the den, that was. The pups, not that long born, all cuddled against her as she gazed exhaustedly up at her mate. The one wolf she cared for with a passion, now that all her family was gone. The holder of her heart, the claimer of her soul, the one who held her spirit. With the ability to destroy them all, crush her 'til she died of heartbreak. But he never had, and he never did. The wonderful brute stayed loyal, after their second litter. Always such a good father to their many pups. Such a good beta, alpha. A good wolf in general.

Your name? But surely, you have not forgotten it. You must be simply testing me, right? Perhaps you think that I have forgotten what it is? That my downfall made me forget my lover, when you were the only thing I could remember. The only thing that I knew. I could never forget, never, in all of eternity, forget you. But I don't know if I can say your name. If I can make my lips move, make the word come out. Make it sound right, pronounce it the way I always did. And even if I could, what difference would it make? You are not really here, your just a figment of my imagination. Right? But I've always done what you've asked, haven't I? Always been the good little girl, because I always say you as right. Always believed in you. So can I do this for you now, I wonder? Do I have the strength?

It was barely a noticeable movement, hardly even a movement at all. But those jaws seemed to move apart about a centimeter, the familiar taste of his scent drifting into them. Oh his scent... But that was not what she was supposed to be doing. A soft gust of air seemed to make its way from her parted grayish, brownish white muzzle. A soft sound, that sounded like 'Ss....ssss.....sirius...' as if she was having trouble getting it out.

[Ärï]

Sirius smiled the loving smile he saved just for Aliya, a little crooked with his eyes alight. "That's right Aliya" Sirius barked proudly, grooming her face lovingly. She had always been such a wonderful mate, his friend and she always held the key to his heart. When the fires had ravaged the pack and BloodMist was on the rise, Sirius had felt like he was falling apart under the pressures of the pack. A quiet conversation with Aliya and a race over the barren lands had banished his worries. The image of her in his mind during all those battles and struggles, their pups curled up against her and all around. That had been what he had fought for. There were many special wolves that had touched Sirius's life; Destiny, Aliya, Sedaka, Silver, Gemini. Many of them female, yes. Sirius had had a touch with females but only Aliya ever got his crooked smile and a special gleam in his eye that was all for her. She was his own personal sun and his orbit had always been around her.

Moving forward Sirius pressed his nose against Aliya's neck. "Aliya, won't you run with me like we did before?" he asked softly, pressing his nose under her ear in a sign of affection. Slowly, achingly slow, Sirius eased himself back and away inch by inch. He kept his reassuring gaze on Aliya as he rose to his full height. "You've been so strong for so long, now I need you to be strong one more time, stand up and run with me."

He smiled for her again, wagging his ebony banner and his steel eyes lightening to starstruck sterling. Sirius stood close to Aliya, assuring her he wouldn't leave. He would catch her if she fell when she tried to rise, if she tried. Her spirit had been weak but Sirius could feel it flickering, trying to grow stronger.