-E-xtra x.Crispy.x ((Iver/Nightshade))

[Destiny]

Oh what do you do with a drunken sailor

So pretty pretty.. Twinkling brightly, shimmering, as if filled with hope. New ones seem to blossom every day. Another sparkle there, a glimmer here. Absolutely beautiful. The moon so large.. round... intimidating yet wonderfully so. Blackness that seems to never.. ever... end.. Just like my life...

A single leaf blew across the dirt in front of wolf's nose. It was still green, but held hints of yellow and brown, even an orange like shade. It was still Summer, the season of the summer goddess. Nevertheless, Autumn was clearly fast approaching. There was a chill to the air, it seemed. Or, perhaps, that was just the poor fellow thinking there was.

The entirety of figure was trembling from the cold. Pelt looked dirty, matted in places; hanging from his body in others. Ribs were visible, more-so the usual, through the dirty, uncared for fur. Ears were lazily twitching every so often, tail swiping across the dust now and again. Dull, tired eyes staring out at the Twilight Lake.

"What have I done to deserve this?"

Er-lie in the morning

[Sivoncé™]

^{Now that I know what I'm without....}

...you can't just leave me...

Countless times, these paws had tread over these passages through autumnal leaf-falls, downy snows, waking grasses, and blazing, sun=dappled afternoons. So many times, this slender-crafted form of a unique, elegant beauty had swept across these terras, chasing a hunt, a playfight, a child, a butterfly....a lover.

...breathe into me...

...and make me real...

[/right]

But this was surely not the same, silver-blue and red mingles fae? No, not the one who had trodded only with her held held high, ears erect, senses alert and flickering from one thought to the next, gaze so clear, pained, but sharp with unmistakeable clarity. She had been complete in her knowing that someday, she would run trails in her homeland within her true set of paws. Because the seed in this flower never died, it only spurred more growth forward.
But how could such a thing ever wish to return to its seed?
No regal authority could be found there, not sophisticated refinement, no finesse, nothing even special about being so small.
Nothing special except for the fact that love and life and death and hate do not exist. Only what makes you submerged in euphoria, like fresh rains that give you the strength to grow, and knowing there are other things around you, pushing in the soil, just waiting to break through the dirt to find something more in the topsoil....

^{...bring me to life.}

She stopped, hesitating. Her delicate, now fragile frame froze. Eyes diverted the form of brute that the dilapidated flowering did not except to find amongst the rough, hard dirt.
"Iver?"

[Destiny]

.....D...A....M....N...

"Oh dear Golden Wolf! Now I'm hearing it again?" The brute growled and covered his ears with paws, the claws cracked and dull. "Why are you doing this to me? Why can't I get rid of you?" An irritated, sorrowful cry it was. "Your in my head... In my head... IN MY HEAD!" Claws scraped against the dirt. Every step looked painful. Was. The bones were easy to see now. The alpha must have been starving himself. But why?

...Y....O....U....

Head whipped from side to side. "Your voice, your stupid voice! Why can't I make it go away! Why do you follow me even after I know I've lost you!? What have I done to deserve this!?" Fresh tears welled up beneath eyelids and rolled from them, slipping down into the dirty fur and making it stickier then it already was. That's when they landed upon her figure. When the wolf once more spotted her.

....G....O....

"NO!" The word was a furious scream. Shaking violently from the fury that was over-taking him, brute looked around. Then it was spotted. Sweet Golden Wolf, thank you for your mercy. A nice, huge, rock. "It's not bad enough that your voice won't get out of my head, but now I'm SEEING you too?" Iver charged towards the giant boulder. "WELL I'M SICK OF THIS!" The brute slammed his head against it. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Again and again and again. "It hurts to much... TOO FUCKING MUCH!" Smack. Smack. Smack. Sma-thump. Iver had ceased the insane beating of head against the rock. Why? Dizziness had forced the wolf to the ground, where he sobbed.

...A...W...A....Y...

[Sivoncé™]

^{....I don't belong here....}

Nightshade swayed slightly, confused.
"But...y-you're in Siverian t-territory," she spluttered stupidly, still blinking as if the images before her would soon deteriorate. The essence of dreams, nightmares, and then some was inches away from her, and yet she feared that if she moved forward, she would be forced to watch it collapse into sand. She backed away, fear standing her hairs on end.

^{...we gotta move on here....}

...had these really been the paws that had slapped her lover away?
She was discharged now, from anything, from anyone, even miles away from her own family. So why did it matter that he'd come for her then? She could have done it then, she knew this. She could have left the Siverians if he'd asked her too. She could've and would've done anything, despite her bitter actions. But what business did he have, being there, when he had never loved her, and he suddenly seemed to? Was she so interwoven with his spirit that she herself did not have to be loved to be following him in such ways?

^{...escape from this AFTERLIFE...}

...It came, smacking her across the face, knocking her paws out from uner her, the force dragging her viciously back into the dirst. She did not belong here, in this valley. She did not belong with Siverians. She did not belong with anything here. Or did she?

^{...'cause this time is right, to move on and on and on...}
So why did she fit so perfectly with the piece next to her?
Why was she even part of the pack they called Siverian?
Why was she in this valley and not the lakeside she had come to love so dearly the idea itself could bring tears?
Why did her daughter find love in such lands?
Why did bloodlines keep on moving away from her?
Why did she have a line behind her, too?
Why?

^{...FAR AWAY FROM HERE.}

She did not moved from the topsoil as her mind was dragged farther and farther backwards, further and further forwards, inside out, upside down, in directions no mind should ever go.
And she had to wonder if this wolf, here, who was in so much pain, knew what this was like also.

[Destiny]

Darkness, oh so much beautiful, peaceful darkness. How wolf wanted to just dissapear into it. Simply fall away into the shadows, where no one would miss him. Fade from existence, in a sense. Just, be gone. Gone. Gone. It was such a nice feeling that spread over the brute's body. Carrying along veins in a tingling manner it seemed. Pricking each follicle of skin, each hair upon the entire pelt. From nose to tail tip. What a perfectly ethereal feeling; a non-existent one. This could only be imagined for the poor old wolf, sadly. It was not actually happening. Fact proved itself as the fog drifted, slowly, away from mind to reveal the reality. A stabbing, agonizing pain was what held this powerful, strong wolf down. It was not the pain in his head, either.

It would take the male a very long time to move again. Only motion that indicated life a quick breath in and out every so often. No physical pain could have stopped him now. Stopped him from what he was about to do. But the mental agony was pushing him down to the ground. The emotional feeling of having your heart ravaged by hungry fangs, each thread, itself, being shredded by angry claws, was like a heavy iron chain. Like each paw was welded to the earth, and he was unable to free himself. Even this, however, could not hold Iver back now. Not in this one second, as the fog and mist rose from where it had lay for several days, clouding his mind from the reality. And that reality, it hit him square in the face, but didn't take his breath away. Iver would definitely need that now.

For her entire life, she believed she was an orphan. My mother cared for her like she was her own daughter, but you know well enough I saw her as not my sister, but a love.
But she does have a family....her blood is that of the mountains.
Her blood is very much alive. And right now, her fate is out of your paws. It's out of mine. It's out of anyone's but her own.

The words of Oak whispered to the alpha from the very depths of his memories. The images had been destroyed by his anger. All of them. Every second with Nightshade was, currently at any rate, gone from his head. All the beautiful memories, all the words shared, everything. Gone. But Oak's voice, those few sentences anyway, he could remember. And Iver was so grateful to Oak at that moment, that he actually whispered the words 'Thank you, Oak.' out loud.

Finally, finally, legs began to straighten up. Body was being pulled away from the terra. The strength that flowed in veins enough to wrench the male free of his chains and entanglements. Enough to make Iver turn to face her. Nostrils flared this time, taking in the scent of the female wolf. It was already in his memory, so he knew who it was. Recognized the outline and design of her figure, too. Was aware that Nightshade was there, and that she was not an illusion, or trick of the mind to torment him to Hellfire. Iver paced towards her, but left at least three wolf lengths between them both. "Go home, Nightshade."

(( Oak & Oak's Words (c) Siveria X. Nightshade ))

[Sivoncé™]

"'Go home'? You're in my territory you bastard!" She spat, words splaying themselves from her tongue before she knew what was happening. Her eyes were pools of anger, anger at his entering her life, anger at these disturbances, these feelings that did not wish to fade. "'Get out', huh? Is that what you want, Iver? Because I've been searching for a way out of this for what seems like forever! You think I like these little games you play with me? You think I enjoy being part of your pleasures just when you need it, just when you feel like loving someone, just when it's convienient for you?! I had things going for me! I was doing all right, I...I was! And then you just....don't you dare tell me anything. I'm not yours!" She kicked the dirt furiously, a snarl guttering forth from her maw.

[Destiny]

Slight tilt downwards of head at Nightshade's first words. Little twitch in the corner of 'lips', slight upturn of the flesh there. A grin? What the bloody Hellfire was he grinning about? Ears, velvet and shimmering as a ray of orange sunlight danced over the beautiful hairs, stood alert, in her direction, of course. Shoulders were almost hunched, but that wasn't exactly what the position was. In fact, it was more like he was relaxing after a bath in the nearest hot springs. How strange was that at all? "I could throw every one of those words right back at you. Because, Nightshade, what you don't see is that it feels like you've treated me the same way. Despite what you heard Lyell say all those moons ago, I was never playing games with. You were never a pleasure for me to toy with when I needed it. Not simply something to toss aside when my fun for the day was had. No, not at all." Slightly, ever so slightly, the male tossed his head left, then right. Low chuckle erupting from jaws after climbing up throat and settling there for several very long moments. "No, not at all."

[Sivoncé™]

Nightshade's answer was no longer words or sound, but movement and motion. Head down, she charged, plunging towards his chest not unlike the way she had long ago, in a field near the Twilight Lake. Except for that had been a love tap. Now she was majorly pissed off, and there would be no loving taps tonight.

(I'm sorry, I'm feeling goofy tonight and I'm spoiling a serious-themed thread xD I just had to! )

She hit him in the ribs full force, collapsing on top of him but removing herself swiftly and stumbling away a few feet. After a few heated moments, her vision blurred with a red, transparent haze, she padded to stand over him. Panting, she growled deeply...
"I'll tell you again....since apparently....you didn't....hear me..."
Giving him another hard kick in the gut, she swallowed and made her hostility more pronounced.
"Get. Out. Of. My. Territory."

[Destiny]

Gasp would find itself caught in throat like a tuna fish snagged in a net. (XD) It came out in a soft choking breath, released quickly as air was gulped hungrily into lungs. Hind parts crumpled beneath large, heavy body as the wolf collapsed on himself. Eyes would roll back into head for a few moments, hard to tell whether he was majorly ticked or bursting with stupid, pointless, irritating laughter. Ah well, either or, wouldn't make to much of a difference.

Slight jerk of body at the kick in the stomach area. Darn it all, she was one strong wolf. Swiftly Iver rolled over onto paws again. Crouched low, stomach brushed the dirt. Eyes scanned the area for a few moments, not looking to Nightshade. Quickly the brute scented the surrounding area. No other wolves. Excellent.

Shoving himself up from the terra, quick shake of body, a few flecks of dirt flew at the ground. Several steps backward were taken. Such utter calmness from the wolf, it was eerie in a way. "Your territory?" Head was tossed in the direction of the Mountains now. "Is this really your territory? Is it really your home?" Gaze returned to the female now. "Who are you really."

[Sivoncé™]

^{...oh god I --}

Her limbs went numb, liqiud ice slipping in frigid waterfalls through her bloodstream. Drops of bright, fresh crimson that swam through veins, capplilaries, making up her very being....each particle originating from their creators. The two, whoever they were, lovers, former lovers, sickened flirtations....whatever....they had built this frame of slender craft, this pelt of ominous indigo-silver and sunset red.

<sup>...I'm not breaking down....

...I'M BREAKING OUT...</sup>

But this body, from their making, was not theirs.
It belonged to the spirit, the mind, the soul that resided there. And perhaps it found this state of being from their decisions and actions, but this soul had only been dormant before body. Nonexistence meant never being, ever. And Nightshade did, indeed exist.

^{...give me your heart and your soul...}

And as spirit and mind and heart and soul and body had combined over the years, the connective force between the body's maker was now so minimal, Nightshade had scarcely stopped to acknowledge their existence. She was one monument, pure in her own ways and flawed in others.

^{...I want it now....}

"WHAT DO YOU WANT IVER, TO BE THE NEXT VERLUST?!" She screamed, limbs trembling. "You fit the part DAMN WELL! You steal our warriors in the dead of a fiery night, you pretended to lover another in a different pack, I lost your pups, and what is it you're looking to fullfill now? What, are you going to kill me, Iver? Is that your big master plan? You, who were born of such noble, pure birth! Crafted by the very paws of the Golden Wolf, Verlust is the scum of all that exists, and my maker may not be drenched in splendour, but I know my family, and they are still with me each day. So do it, Iver. Kill me." And she fell to her knees.

^{...I WANT YOU NOW...}

It wasn't that these revleations didn't kill her, didn't hurt her. In fact, just the opposite.
Heaving for air, out of evergy, the lines and outer marks of her vision growing darker as she began to give into a faint haze that was pulling her. She shook her head, not even bothering to cry this time.
He didn't know, of course, but she didn't much notice.
For moons, the anger, rage, the blackest wrath had painted her skies.
But now, it was all too much to carry, to hold onto.
And so it came that she began to forgive the universe.

[Destiny]

It all came down upon him in a rush. Ten million different words, a hundred things to say. Sharp, painful, vicious retorts. Sweet, kind, soft, loving forget-me-nots. Sad, agonized cries. Cold, emotionless speeches. Everything all went in through one ear as the wind whispered it to him and out through the other. Head felt empty. No thought. No sense of anything. No memory. No logic. No nothing.

"You were pregnant?" It started out as a strong, honest, power filled question. Calm and smooth in tone. But about half-way through 'were' his voice cracked violently. Several octaves down did the volume go, the question rhetorical now of course as it was obvious the truth. And he just stared at her. Down, at her. Because, even after everything, he could not bring himself to kill her. Not now, not ever.

"N-no....No...No!" Slowly he backed away from her. Head slowly shaking from left to right. An agony in his eyes now. A self hatred. How could he have...? The last word came out in a terrorized scream. Such a mixture of emotion it was completely and utterly incomprehensible. Iver turned and ran.

WHAP

Yeah, ran about three feet. Then, of course, he slammed head first into that huge rock he'd been smashing his face against. Only, this time it was an accident. Stumbling backward he shook himself violently. "GOD DAMN MOTHER BEEPING SON OF A BEEP! MOTHER BEEPING BEEPING BEEPING BEEP! GAH!" And yes, he did actually say beep and beeping instead of the curse words. He's a freak, okay?

[Sivoncé™]

For a moment, Nightshade felt as if she were outside of herself, watching the terrifying events around her unfold like a book of picture pop-ups from the third-person perspective. Beep? Mother? Son? Beep, beep, beep ---
BEEP!!![/b]

All too soon, the being-outside-of-herself state was shattered and replaced with hard, cold, unfeeling, steely reality. Mother. Something she had nearly been once more. Son. Wolves she held dear that only existed elsewhere, in the Twilight Realm.

"It's notmy fault not my fault, not my fault n-not my f-fault...."

[Destiny]

It's not my fault, not my fault

Slap in the face. Your fault? How could it possibly be her fault? Did she say to the Twilight Realm 'Here, come take my pups away!'? No! At least, I don't think she did. I mean, what wolf would want that? Even to hurt me, she wouldn't go to those lengths! I didn't even now until now for crying out loud!

Frozen, like an ice sculpture that was a tad to alive for its own good. Paws welded to their places on the earth. And he stared at her. Oh, how he stared at her.

"Your fault?..." It came after what might have been an eternity of silence or a minute. But it was so soft and surprised that the agonizing pain in his skull had been forgotten. And still, Iver stared at her like she was a two-headed fox. "It wasn't your fault.." A whisper to the wind. Heard? Maybe.

[Sivoncé™]

Slowly, she rose, but her legs still trembled, her vision was still blurred, heart still beat out-of rythym. She shook her head, closing her eyes so she would not have to look at him when she spoke.
"Oh, but it is. It is if it inspired such hate in you for me, love. I know you hate me, Iver." Eyes open, so torn, she defeated, shattered. Realization, recognition, but regret shone deep in the indigo depths. "And if not for losing them, then for any other reason as well, perhaps a combination of many. Because I am not a Yozoran, because I have mountain blood, because I slapped you away in a blind rage, whatever it is, there is hate in you that rears its ugly head towards me alone. And I too, harbor hate, I suppose. But after a while it gets so difficult to hate, because I don't blame you for anything in actuality. Not even the sleepless nights or the wonderings about my sanity. There is too much love for that...."

^{It's okay to be angry and never let go...}

She sighed now, sitting. "I didn't value my life, I suppose. And may the witch that holds its reins hear it now, I value it barely more. I lost them just as I lost you, in absolute unawareness of the world around me. But I am aware now, Iver, and I am thankful. Not because of the things Sekhmet did to me, but because I saw you here, and maybe it was all I needed. I am aware now....and hateful of the she-wolf who cornered me and stole away pups who could've ran through this valley. A balancing act between the few reasons I have left to live and the reasons I have to die."

^{It only gets harder the more that you know....}

[Destiny]

Love me cancerously...

"Hate? That is quite a choice of word. There is no better, I suppose. Nothing else to describe this complicated web we've woven around ourselves, the strands of emotion so fragile yet strong. Hate... Yes.. I suppose I do hate you. But do I love you more then I hate you? I think it' more of a balance, in actuality. I could never not love you... And after all that you've done to me, all that's happened, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop hating you so fiercely." Not even the male was so cruel that he could stand there and stare at her while saying all that. Oh no, Iver turned gaze away. Away to the Mountains, of course.

"Many a time whilst the sun splits the sky the thought passes through my mind, but always it is pushed away and hidden behind the day mask. Self is purposely preoccupied with things like hunting, patrolling, territory marking and the like. But when the darkness washes over the blue and night takes place of day, I no longer need to hide. Hidden away from the others in my den, I can lay there all night without having to think about anyone but myself. My emotions, my past, my daughter, my grandchildren. My love, you, my hate, you, my eternal curse, you, the destruction of my sanity, you, and everything else about my life, and then you." The wind had slacked off entirely. Burning sunlight as the sun set covering the sky. Iver's many colored pelt washed a red so bright it looked almost crimson. "Why is it that life must be such a messy complicated thing. Can we not simply exist, for the sake of existing? But what would be the point of that."