Breaking { OUT } or Breaking { DOWN } [Furphrates]

[.Rabid Lycan.]

I can’t do this at all.
Weighted with weakness and the unsettling certainty that his sanity was about to crack, Euphrates drove toward the Destinian camp in a merciless spiral. The gash on his shoulder forgotten, but not the emotional wound that his sister had reopened.
I thought I’d gotten past this; I haven’t. Not at all…
The muffled metronome clap of his paws pressing off the soil rang deaf in his ears, and all he could think about was the lovely face. That darling face. That innocent face—she stared up at him, beaming. Big brother. Family.
Do I still have family?
All at once, Euphrates slowed his gait. Subconsciously, he found himself arriving at the entrance to the Alpha Den. His breath caught; he hadn’t even remembered leaving the battle. It was all a blur.
I can’t face her… not like this…
Slowly, Euphrates wandered into the shadows of the clearing, curling into a tight ball and tucking his nose under his tail. His breathing steadied, but not by much. Blood glistened brightly on his fur, and he struggled to blink the softness of moisture from his gaze.
…where is my home…?

[Sivoncé™]

I hate this. I hate every bit of it.
It wasn't that she didn't trust her warriors; even with the ominous message of Blood Mist having eyes within the packs, she had little doubt of who was and who wasn't beside her. They did it to scare us, to scare me especially, she thought sadly. And I let them. I couldn't even lead my pack into battle tonight. There was no threat at the Destinian Camp; she'd sent patrols around the camp region and had investigated the area herself.
She paced fretfully in her den, caught in between what she wanted and what might happen.
Everyone has to take that risk sometime. If they attack the camp, they will pay for it dearly in blood. With that, she marched determindly from her den.
But then, a familiar scent wafted in her nose and she turned to see Euphrates, partially obscured in the shadows. Her beat worriedly in her chest. He's not himself...what's wrong, I wonder? Did something happen?
She padded slowly over to him, the battle forgotten, and sat silently behind him. Softly, she swiped her tongue over his wounds.
"Euphrates? What happened?"

[.Rabid Lycan.]

God, no… not her.
Instinctively curling tighter, he continued staring at the underside of his paw. This time, the warmth of a tongue against his exposed flesh served only to aggravate the wounds. His chest ached with a malady that he could not bring himself to identify. Or maybe he already knew the name, but was unable to admit it.
“Just… tired,” he murmured softly. His eyes closed. “Very tired.”

[Sivoncé™]

Abruptly, she ceased the comforting gesture. He'd cringed away from her -- the movement stung surprisingly sharp in her chest. For a moment, she just stared in wary confusion and mild disbelief. What did I do? She pondered this for a moment, but dismissed it; if she'd done something to wrong Euphrates, it did not come to mind now. "Did something happen at the battle?" The words were tense and bothered. I should be there right now, with the pack. Not letting them take the loss while I sit back and hide like a coward. None of us are cowards....I need to be there....
The urge to fight was itching her fiercely.

[.Rabid Lycan.]

Unable to stand the thick onset of awkwardness that settled along his spine, Euphrates brought himself to a stand, exhaling sharply as he did so. He glanced briefly at Fireflight, though his eyes were shadowed and his vision lowered, before padding into the Alpha’s Den.
He looked almost frenzied, pacing about with his tone shifting between agonized, infuriated, and miserable.
“…why does everything have to be so god damn complicated? Has it always been this way? Have I just been blind? I… don’t want to fight anymore. Why can’t we just all stop? Just STOP.”

[Sivoncé™]

Brow furrowed, Fireflight followed Euphrates to the den that, on most nights, they shared together. She blinked back at him with growing confusion as she ranted. By the end of his angry bout, she was shaking her head slowly with eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Euphrates, not only did they steal a neophyte, but they threatened me, the pack, as well as all of the other packs and leaders. What would have me do? Stand by and let them rip us to pieces?" She looked away from him, maybe because she couldn't make sense of him now, or maybe because she didn't want him to see the hurt that glistened in her eyes. "You're not telling me something, I think," she murmured softly.

[.Rabid Lycan.]

“…no… no, I don’t want to see everyone shredded… and pieces…”
He stopped pacing, having quite nearly rammed his skull straight into the rear wall of the den. The rock face stared blankly at him, offering no other options. No other solutions that he hadn’t already considered and discarded. He attempted to glance back at Fireflight, but his neck remained locked. His throat grew parched, and he wished for nothing more than to have the shadows lurch forward and swallow him whole.
“…I headed in there, you know, just like any other pack wolf. Flanked by a couple dozen other soldiers just like myself, some more experienced than others. But I’ve received Blood Mist and pack training—I didn’t have any doubts about my ability. Just waiting for the signal, then… that hush before the battle starts, and then bam,” his body quaked with the exclamation, “and it all started. Ran for the hotshot, you know? Big guy, all smug. Practiced killer. I hate him and I don’t even know him… but then my sister…” He shook his head. “…we fought. And all this time, I thought I was better. Destinian blood; I was better than all that. She wasn’t... but every time I looked at her, I c-could only see those little eyes… so familiar, you know? We were standing there covered in each other’s blood, and that’s all I could make out, those god damn eyes… and she cried with me…”
He shook his head.
“Fireflight, I love you… more than anything… but I don’t know if I can be any use to your pack if I can’t even protect it…”

(( way to rip off the band-aid, Euphrates! ))

[Sivoncé™]

Your pack. Your kind. Your family.
I thought it was our pack, our kind, our family....
Fireflight shook her head again, growing more and more unsettled by what she was hearing. She said nothing, though she opened her mouth once or twice in an attempt to fill the gap of silence. All she could fill it with is the misery that swam in her eyes amongst flickers of hurt, regret, betrayal, and confusion. What about me? As selfish and small as the thought made her feel, she couldn't help but feel it all the same. She missed her family, sure, but they had all died long ago. She didn't understand what Euphrates was going through in the least, but at the same time, she felt his claims to love suddenly had the potential to crumble and disintegrate. Fireflight had taken the calling of alpha. She'd nearly named Euphrates her beta, though recently another had snagged a bit of her interest. He had always been her first choice for everything. Maybe he shouldn't be.
"I can't tell you how to feel," she murmured numbly. "It's not about blood. It's about heart and morals and sometimes even salvation. It's about how no matter what we do, they're always going to try and kill us. Your sister tried to kill you tonight, didn't she?"

[.Rabid Lycan.]

“…but isn’t also about blood? Just a little?”
Euphrates slowly brought himself to turn around, gaze aimed at her paws. The world suddenly seemed so alien. So claustrophobic. He dared to catch his breath, and was sickened by the fear that there would soon be no air left to breathe. Fireflight, his light in his own personal darkness—his lighthouse of sanity—stood before him. She was so near, and yet he had never felt so alone.
But I still love her, I just…
“She tried to kill me. Tried her hardest. And so did I… but in the end, she didn’t even attempt to fight me. She was so near, and you can’t tell me that she was faking it. I know she wasn’t. It’s such a cruel, cruel truth, maybe, that you’re right. Maybe they’ll always try and kill us. But they’re not zombies; in the heat of battle, you project this image onto them. Maybe for a lot of them, it’s appropriate… but not all of them. Assyria’s a filthy murderer, but she also was a daughter—is a daughter and a sister. And… and I’m not saying I’m with Blood Mist. I’d never go crawling back to them even if I wanted to, but… all the same… I can’t help but doubt that I’m really a Destinian.”

[Sivoncé™]

She couldn't look at him anymore. How could she wrap her mind around something like this? It was impossible. She couldn't say there was no validity to his feelings -- there was. The Blood Mist wolves were still....wolves. But negotiating with them was not an option when they wouldn't allow it to happen. The packs hadn't exactly facilitated it, either; after the first time this failed, way back with Silver Mist and their mild negotiations with Blood Mist, why try? Fireflight sighed softly, unsure of how to placate his woes.
"That hotshot you were talking about attacking earlier was also a son, brother, and child. Yet, violence became a necessity the first time the packs ever fought with each other; how are we supposed to forget it -- now it's instinct."

[.Rabid Lycan.]

“Exactly, that’s the horror of it.”
His pupils darted around desperately, trying to find something to cling onto for warmth. But there was none; there was only Fireflight, and he could extract no warmth from their interactions. Not this time.
“And… I know. I know there’s the instinct there. I know that the hatred isn’t unfounded; I know that Blood Mist is driven by aggression, and that makes them both dangerous and more amoral than others. I was a Blood Mist, once. Even now, I’m both more violent and less violent than most of the wolves in this pack. When I’m zoned onto a target, I’m just as ruthlessly helpless to blood lust as the next psychopathic assassin. But… I don’t want to do that, Fireflight. That’s why I accepted Destiny’s invitation; that’s why I’m talking to you. And maybe I’m weak because of it, but… I mean, what I realized today… if you put Sumer in front of me right now, I’d never be able to kill him. I’ve always known that. But I can’t even kill my sister, who I have every reason to kill! And what if I run into my old mentor? A friend of the family? Then what?”
His ears flattened against his skull.
“…I’m not asking you as my friend… but I’m asking you as my Alpha… do you think I should leave?”

[Sivoncé™]

( oh, the drama of it all )

For a moment longer, Fireflight's trembling form lingered at the mouth of her den -- maybe the one she slept in alone now. Her heart thumped painfully in her chest; each beating in her ribcage seemed to reach out and abuse her entire body. Once, she tried to lift her head and swimming eyes from the cave floor. After this failure, she simply turned around slowly, and trodded out of sight without another word.
She didn't want to think about the words he'd just said. They made her sick. And yet, it was as if her mind was obsessed with every syllable ; they kept replaying over and over again on repeat.
I thought I was more than an alpha and friend, Euphrates, doesn't that count for anything? Hell, I wanted to have fricken babies with you, doesn't that count? Or was the feeling not mutual? Leave me, would you? Nice guy. Great guy. Fleeping fantastic guy.
Not knowing where to go, but unable to return and wallow in her den, Fireflight plodded over to the space she had first found Euphrates in the shadows. She slumped slowly down to the earth, and buried her head in her paws.

[.Rabid Lycan.]

((our specialty ))

Finally working up the courage to lift his chin, his stomach dropped. The wisp of fire trailing her as she abandoned him to the dark of the den. The walls so familiar, yet so icily cold. So lonely. Despair crept into his gaze, and he ventured a soft, “Fireflight?” Slowly getting to his paws, he padded after her with all the expression of a defeated soul.
Have I been dismissed? Is that really her decision? No goodbye? Did I… oh, you fool… of course you hurt her. He stopped, standing just behind her, gazing painfully over her distressed form. All about you and not her. You should’ve been thinking, you damn fool! Look at what you’ve done!
“…please… Fireflight… don’t do this…” He reached forward to touch her, but could not bring himself to grace himself with her warmth. Somehow, he felt that he had lost the privilege.

[Sivoncé™]

( Yes, Euphrates, you silly, silly little FOOL xD )

"What do you want?"
The words came out in a sizzling hiss of accusation and an overload of estrogen. She turned to glare at him through teary, burning eyes. For a moment, she simply radiated hatred and anger; she was consumed by it. And then she burst into a fit of heavy, earthquaking sobs and buried her face in Euphrates' pelt in despair.
"Don't you dare leave me best buddy. You're just a real great friend! So special! So many good fricken times!"
She continued to sob into his fur and refused to lift her head or look at him.
Or cease the hormonal outburst anytime soon.

[.Rabid Lycan.]

((I love how hormonal all our wolves have gotten lately xD they’re all either breaking down or breeding like rabbits! Or both! ))

Caught off guard by the sudden outburst, Euphrates began to step into a withdrawal. His eyes burned with injury at the tone, but before he was able to complete his retreat, Fireflight collapsed into his fur. He paused, unable to conjure up a logical response. The sobs twisted his heartstrings, hurting him far more than her accusing tone ever could. And yet, her words somehow made it into his ears.
Hearing them repeated back to him, he suddenly had the urge to gnaw his leg off in the realization of his own stupidity.
“Fireflight… it’s okay… if you want me to stay, I’ll stay, but…” …with everything I told you, is it for the best? …let her sort it out later. For now, she needs you. I think. “…listen… you are my friend. My best friend. But you’re… you’re also…” My mate? My lover? No, too possessive… My wife? Wait, no, that’s not right… “…my girl…” I hope. “…and I love you… so, please, don’t cry—not because of me…”